Dating Personality Clashes

She has Wanted to End the Relationship Many Times

Hi, I need TRUTHFUL relationship advice.
My girlfriend and I met 18 months ago and since then we have been living together for about a year. She has been married six times and has gotten a divorce every time. I have never been married or been in a truly serious relationship until now. We told each other all the things that two people say when they are passionately being in love. We discussed everything in our lives with each other and made plans and decisions for a permanent relationship. I even gave up my job so we could work around hers, since her job was more established and secure. There are many other things that were discussed that I could include in this message but it would be too long.

Girl come and go

Now, she wants to give up on this relationship without telling me all the TRUTHFUL reasons why. I expressed to her from the very beginning that her relationship track record was bad and that I was not looking for a serious relationship at the time that I met her, but the fact that we both agreed this relationship was for real and we could make commitment to it, we decided to RISK it.
My values are the most important thing to me and TRUST is at the very top of the list, which I expressed to her. How can someone be so cruel to fake a relationship, commitment, and LOVE? She tells me that she will LOVE me forever, no matter what happens, but why should I believe her. She has already broken my TRUST. It’s not the fact she has broken this trust that frustrates, it’s the fact that I don’t TRUST what she tells me anymore. Am I fighting a losing battle? I hate to walk away from something that I put so much effort and sacrifice into. She has some serious issues that she needs to work on, and we have discussed them, but for whatever reason, she wants to end the relationship.
By the way, she has wanted to end the relationship many times before only to change her mind. Not because she wanted to work on herself or the relationship, but because of the reasons that I still don’t know. She has also left once only to call me and wanted to get back together. All of these actions are things that I’m analyzing and trying to come to a decision. There is much more that I could include but I’m hoping someone can give me some relationship advice on what I’ve written. Thanks for all of your help.

– Mike

WildZBill says:
November 27, 2009 at 11:58 am
She sounds like a woman that doesn’t really understand what she wants. That is pretty common.
The conflict is that her emotional side is looking for one type of partner, perhaps a forceful and demanding ‘bad boy’, that will take control of her life, while the rational side is looking for a sweet guy that she can manipulate.

If you really want to keep her, you need to learn to be both. Just role play a little. On weekends, put on your boots and leathers and act like the man in charge. During the week, be sweet and romantic.
You seem to be very worried about her feelings, you need to drop that on the weekends and be more interesting.

She is bored with you. I’m bored with you after 2 paragraphs. 🙂

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One Comment

  1. I see this as a personality issue.
    A person’s past usually tells something for the future. Her having been married six times was a very evident “reference” for you while you were never actually in love with anyone else but unfortunately this time with her. It’s not that she intended to cheat on you, but that her personality makes her not be able to stick to one true love as you do. Next time don’t assume you will be the 7th but the “true” one.
    It’s not about trust. When she promised you passionately, at that moment, she meant it I suppose. The emotion is the very reason for her to be passionate for a moment while regret when she calms down. If she doesn’t want to tell you the reason, then try to forget it and start your new life. It could be that she just wanted to be free while longing for love, quite contradictive, nothing else.
    You also mentioned about some serious issues. Why do you still love her when you do know she has some serious issues? If she wanted to end the relationship many times before, then she would finally do so. Her mind told her to end but her emotion told her to come back to you, that’s it.
    My suggestion for you is to move on, to forget her and to find someone else like yourself.

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