My Boyfriend Has a Very Close Relationship with an Ex

I have a very loving relationship with my boyfriend of nearly a year. He and his son moved in with me and my two children nearly 7 months ago. I was well aware that he has a very close relationship with an Ex, which didn’t bother me until after he moved in.


He and his Ex have been best friends for nearly 15 years before and after their relationship. He had his son with another woman that ended and soon after he began a relationship with his Ex. She moved in with him; they got a dog together, and she helped him raise his son for the 6+ years that they lived together (the boy’s mother is still in the picture).

From what I understand, they broke up because she had issues with alcohol, but they remained close and still do. She is now in a relationship of a couple of years (her bf has no issues with their relationship), I think, and my bf had a relationship before me that ended because of his close relationship with his Ex.

It wasn’t until after he and his son moved in that I realized that their close relationship just seemed a little too close…or maybe it’s me!!??? They shared some of his furniture in a storage unit and they were on the phone nearly every other day for two months to figure out schedules so that he could get the storage key.

I felt that their frequent communication was unnecessary for this reason, so that was when I voiced my concern (we got the key that night). As an example, there was a text message that she sent him telling him of a show she watched that made her think of him and she was just letting him know. I told him that I felt it was inappropriate for her to say things like that to someone in a relationship and that I wanted to let her know that. I texted her from my phone and we had quite a bit of a back and forth of complete disagreement. On New Year’s we went to a wedding where I met her briefly which was very hard.

A week ago, their dog fell sick and they’ve had a couple of extensive conversations since then about the dog mainly and whatever else comes up. They obviously have obligations to each other because they still share the dog, who is living with her; she calls to talk to his son once in a blue moon, and calls to talk to him once or twice every week to remind him of birthdays in her family and to check in with him.

He doesn’t see her often and he tries not to initiate the communication, so it mostly comes from her end and he sees nothing wrong with it. There isn’t a week that goes by that I don’t hear her name. I am having a problem dealing with their closeness. My children love him and I have a feeling that things won’t change on his end. Any advise?? Am I allowing this to affect me too much? How do I not let it get to me?? Aside from this issue, we have a wonderful relationship.

– Yogini

One Comment

  1. Every boyfriend and his ex story can be similar while different. Yours is not the toughest.

    First of all, you love each other;
    Secondly, your boyfriend does nothing wrong;

    The only issue is his ex.

    I don’t think you need to worry about your boyfriend and / or his ex and it’s important to deal with this issue properly.

    The main point is how you feel. We can’t change his ex and she’s just a relatively casual woman, an alcoholic.

    It’s useless for you to deal with her directly. The only effort can be done is by your boyfriend. You can’t expect him to thoroughly change the situation. He can only try his best to change a little bit by bit. You’ll have to be patient. At least he broke up with her. I can imagine it was a huge effort.

    You can make a plan to help him change things one by one gradually and talk about it to him with reason and love. He’ll do so for you. e.g. deal with the dog first. Is it possible that he just gives up the dog. So she needs to talk about dog with her boyfriend but not with yours…

    Good luck.

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