I got married at a very young age as 22 because family urge. But, the guy I got married is someone I knew and was befriended for some time. I chose him because of the love he had for me as well his concern on me. The marriage was good until the early of 2 months. And, there goes the first step of storm between us.
He started to show me the off mood for intimacy. I did confront him, but he said, maybe ‘coz he is too tired or he is lack of vitamins since he use to be semi vegetarian since born. I accepted his excuse and remained calm n relaxed when my urge to have sex is high. But after another couple of months, I caught him having photos of girls naked, with undergarments in his hp. I was like damn upset of course but I kept quiet.
Silently, I understood, maybe that is what he is looking for. And, what I did was, I started to buy sexy lingerie and dress up really sexy just for him at home. But, he doesn’t seem to be surprised at all but still was like off mood when comes to intimacy. For ur info, im 50kg/169cm… im not fat nor ugly. I was in a total dilemma after that. I had questions like “what’s wrong with me?” am I lacking of anything and etc. Finally, I did took the initiative to speak out to him abt our sex life because, as days went to months, I started to feel very tensed, easily get irritated with him.
But, he told me was Everything is fine with me, he is happy with me and im perfectly okay for him. But, when I asked back, then why he doesn’t have the mood on me? He gave the same earlier answer (tired, lack of vitamins) I was too annoyed with that answer over again and I started to let me anger/irritation on him day by day. Then, whatever he say or do seemed to be wrong for me. I can’t convince myself about him because he didn’t keep me happy, im still so young yet energetic for him anytime! Until, his birthday morning things went real bad about him.
Just after my prayer, I wanted to wake him up since his cousins were down to celebrate his birthday at home in the evening. As I went in, I saw him masturbating on the bed while flipping through the pictures in his hp! I couldn’t hold my tears and let it to roll down my cheeks. I was stunned in front of him, speechless. He tried convincing me saying, he was looking at my pictures. But!! God! I know what’s in his phone. I left in silence since his cousins were around n I don’t to spoil his birthday.
I didn’t talk abt that issue after that. Perhaps, he didn’t take any efforts to clear that issue within me. That’s my expectation anyways. I want him to talk to me, explain to me things and admit his mistakes! But he never did that ever. My anger grew wild and I get real mad all the time with him. Everything seemed to be wrong between us almost 2 years! Sometimes, we do make love over the night when he tried to be sweet n romantic, I forget probs between us ‘coz I need his touch too. Again, once when he was taking shower, I grabbed his hp and checked his images.
This time, I found my close friend’s photos giving her sexy pose with clothes as well his ex photo! I really lost my temper and fought him to the maximum. I couldn’t take the fuss he did to me. We had a cat and dogs fight. He defends himself with lies! He lied to cover up another lie and he treated me like a dumb as if im not literate. Then, I couldn’t let him touch me anymore..
And about the end of 2010, we used to have mega fights and problems! He was keep telling me tonnes of lies and I lost my trust on him completely. I totally disrespect him after that. Early of January 2011, we had one last big fight and I left him. He started to spoil my name to my own few friends and told the clockwise to his family.
I totally was very upset, angry and disappointed with him after that. But, quite recently, he asked me one chance to repair everything by being a BOYFRIEND! Haha! Yes! He wants to be a bf to me now. But, I did accept what he wanted and gave him a chance since he wants things to be fine between because we had the plan to have baby this year, our 3rd year of marriage.
But, what happens here, he visits me a few times a week, call me out for date, and the best part he wants to stay over once in a while with me to show his love to me it seems. I couldn’t accept him in that way. I have got the feel he is totally a freak because, he doesn’t have the courtesy to call me back but treating me like this. I am all alone here! And he told me, he prefers to repair the relationship under 2 different roofs! I am even more pissed off with him now. I need a life together with him as a husband/wife and a family…But he is talking the otherwise.
And, this is all the issues happened in between us for almost 2 and half year together. Now, I have a big question! Do I need to entertain this kind of man in my life? Or, should I just accept his style of ‘dating’ life. I need a baby, he knows very well, but he asked me to put it on hold! I am very stressed with him. I am not happy either! Please give me a solution.