Her Ex-boyfriend is Still in the Picture


6 years ago, I met an amazing girl, and despite our young age, we quickly fell in love. It was a model relationship that lasted 2+ years. It ended badly, and we went almost 4 years without contact. Just recently we became reacquainted as friends and started to get closer. She just got out of a 1 year relationship with a guy whom she had a long distance relationship with. She still loves him, but desperately wants to move on from him, but he keeps using the “push away, pull back” method to keep her from completely breaking away.


We have gotten very close lately and things have been moving along amazingly. Old feelings come back, but this is different. We are different people than we were and we seem to get along even better. Though our history surely has some hand in our romance, we also are falling for each other as who we are now.

The problem is, the ex-boyfriend is still in the picture. She still loves him but wants to move on with me. She just can’t decide if she is fully ready to let go or not. She has been completely up front and honest with me about everything, and I really respect that, but things cannot keep going like this with me knowing there is another guy in the picture. I have told her that I understand she needs time to get over him, but all I ask is the commitment from her that she will work towards that and not go running back to him.

She seems absolutely crazy about me, but stays stuck in the middle. This has been going on for 2 weeks. She tells me that she knows I am the smart decision, because he has a lot of problems and so does their relationship, but she can’t seem to decide what she really wants.

I do not know whether to walk away and make her choose because I’m scared that space will push her to run back to him even easier. But I feel if I stick around, she won’t ever make the decision. I am so torn and really need help.


What To Do

Min Min says:
November 16, 2010 at 10:58 am
Thanks for sharing your story. I think if you do it right, you’ll secure this model relationship.

It’s not the right time for you to ask the commitment from her. To date with her when she still loves her ex is your choice.

It’s only been 2 weeks. You should be patient.

I understand that you’re scared space will push her to run back to her ex even easier, however, do you have a better choice? If she still loves him, will her “commitment” assure you?

If she comes back, she’s yours,
If she doesn’t, she never was…

It could take long for her to decide because it seems she might not be able to decide until she’s deadly hurt by her ex.

You have your life in your hand. Occupy it with other meaningful pursuits.

dieselfit says:
September 9, 2013 at 11:10 am
I believe you should take what’s rightfully yours. If you want her, take her. Don’t wait for sometihng to come to you. It’s like saying if money comes to you, it’s yours, and if money doesn’t come, it’ll never. That was just an example, you choose whether you want her or not. It’s your life and your dream!

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