Dating Personality Clashes

My Boyfriend is Keeping His Options Open

I am 20 years old and last year i had my first broke up with my first love. We were together for 3 years but we ended it because it just wasn’t working anymore. Since the break up we have become happier better people and actually get along like we used to and are much closer than we were before.


The thing is, when we broke up we kept seeing eachother which only made it harder as we fell into the patterns of being a “couple” again. This wasn’t very good because he was spending time kissing and cuddling me but going out and being with other girls. I ended that because I was only getting hurt in the process and holding on to someone that obvious didn’t want just me anymore.

After 3 months of both of us being single we are sort of together again. we have decided to take things slow and he says he wants to be good to me. So far he has, he has been wonderful and faithful and our love relationship is better than ever. My only question is will we get back together officially? will he make commitment to being with just me? because right now i’m not his gf and he’s not my boyfriend but i want him to be.

for the past 2 months we’ve been spending all our free time together whether it’s day or night, we have a sexual relationship, he brings me flowers when i’m sick, everything is great but we aren’t officially together and it really bothers me. I’ve brought it up with him and he says he loves how we are now and that taking it slow has been good for us but to me I’m just scared im going to get hurt again. I kind of feel like he’s keeping his options open, why else do u not make commitment when everything just works? I’m confused, I feel that he wants only me but at the same time he doesn’t want to make commitment. We’ve been ‘taking it slow’ for 2 months now, am I moving too fast by wanting to get back together?

– Ash

Min Min says:
January 30, 2009 at 7:55 am
You didnt make it clear why you broke up which could be an important reason why he keeps his options open. Since the breakup you have become happier and does this indicate that you get along better when you are not too close as lovers? This could also be a reason why he takes it slow. He might be afraid of repeating the process of getting back together again and then breaking up again; he might try to work on a better relationship with you. 3 months of being single doesnt definitely mean that he wants only you but that he didnt meet anyone else better. Since you were together for 3 years, I suppose you do love each other, then it could be a personality issue that he is afraid of commitment, especially when you used to break up before. Simply you have two options, or keep taking it slow, or keep your own options open.

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