How To Have A Civil Break Up
How you do it matters, especially if you want to leave the relationship on good terms?
Why do some couples call it quits, and how can you break up amicably? In a new study, Superdrug Online Doctor surveyed 1,000 individuals about what caused them to end their relationships, exploring the thoughts and feelings that commonly precipitate breakups. Here are some of the results.
Before the Breakup
There are many reasons couples might not work out. But, according to the study, 31% said mismatched aspirations had caused them to break up – the highest percentage of all of the reasons analyzed. Other popular reasons included falling out of love (29%), a lack of communication (27%), and feeling their partner took them for granted or that there was a lack of trust (22% each).
On average, women waited longer than men to broach the subject of breaking up once they decided to end things.
But do people know they are going to be broken up with before it happens? The survey shows that 1 in 3 people who were dumped said the breakup came as a surprise. Once respondents noticed a lack of communication, less time spent together, and a feeling of something being wrong, they knew there was reason to be concerned.
But 11% of respondents broke up with someone because the sex was bad, and 10% of those surveyed ended the relationship because of mismatched sex drives. More than 1 in 4 people noticed less-frequent sex before being broken up with.
However, almost half (47%) of couples who don’t live together did not stop having sex before breaking up.
How to Avoid a Messy Breakup
There are many ways to end a relationship, but what are the best ways to avoid a messy breakup? Almost 3 in 5 respondents said they had a clean break up when they respected the other person. In the messiest breakups, people tried to create distance before the end.
Additionally, people were more likely to have an amicable breakup if told in person. Of the people who took this route, 80% had a clean breakup, compared to only 66% who reported breaking up on bad terms. The worst way to break up with someone, according to the study, was to do it through a text message.
While most relationships end, taking some of these statistics into account could help avoid greater heartbreak later on
BREAKUP TECHNIQUES: FROM MESSY TO MATURE
No one approaches breakup conversations with high expectations: No matter how well you communicate, feelings are bound to get hurt. Still, our findings suggested that some tactics and choices could help the process of splitting up go as smoothly as possible.
Respondents who said their breakups were “clean” were far more likely to have remained respectful to their partner and kept their composure during the difficult conversation. Of course, these behaviours are easier said than done: Once accusations start flying, it’s tough to keep your cool.
People who experienced clean breakups were also much more likely to be clear about why they were ending things and to avoid creating false hope.
Experts agree that being honest and firm is actually the kindest way to end things. While some may be tempted to soften the blow, lack of clarity will only lead to more hurt.
Another important breakup conversation takeaway: The medium matters just as much as the message. While most breakups happened in person, 23% of messy ones took place over text message.
Unfortunately, texting after a breakup can be even more cowardly, keeping someone emotionally engaged after parting ways. However they unfold, though, our findings showed that messy breakups have lasting ramifications, making it much harder to move on.
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