Cultural Differences

My Family Throws in Remarks about my Boyfriend’s Race

Same parents…not only parents my whole family…….vs… love….

I love him..a lot..its 4years of our relationship….he came to my house to talk 2 my parents but they didn’t agree……they are saying its not possible..but..before few mom was saying its OK with me..even my auntie said they would support us…every one back stepped…now we are alone…he and his mom want me to tell every thing to my parents….how can i do this…they don’t wanna hear his name either….both of them know..i like him but they aren’t even asking me what i want….when he was at my that time..also they didn’t asked what i wanted……what can i do…now…

– Sweet Girl

Arman says:
April 22, 2010 at 6:34 pm
Dear Sweet Girl,
It is a dilemma. I suspect you come from a traditional family and that your family disagrees with this relationship based on some tradition and not the quality of this person. Maybe differences in religion, race or social status? It can be devastating. You need to think about this very carefully and ask yourself many questions. Modern values would tell you to free yourself from the chains of tradition and follow your heart. Are you a modern girl? Can you risk abandoning your family? How firm are your family’s convictions? Is this man worth all that?
Traditional values are based on beliefs and mores that are passed down from generation to generation. They are often rich with wisdom, but we must always examine their foundations. On the other hand, they provide a solid support to build your own relationships on. Can you do without them?
At the end of the day, love is a strong emotion that can leave as fast as it came. At the same time, it is a strong force that can make the impossible possible. My advice is to sit back and evaluate your situation from both the rational and emotional points of view because they are both necessary for happiness.
Good luck!

Sarah says:
May 12, 2010 at 12:39 am
Arman, I really like your comment. I am somewhat in the same situation. I am a tradional Armenian gal with a modern twist. I value my culture, traditions and family very much. Although I was born here, I am spiritually connected to my Armenian hertiage. However, I am in a serious relationship with a Non-Armenian(Spanish). He is a very educated, well mannered man that also comes from a classy family with lots of culture, values and morals. I told my mother of my relationship with him and he seemed to be okay with it at first, but now she seems to throw in rude remarks about his race here and there, and also wants me to come home early and so on…I am 26, but still live at home, so I have to respect most things they say. I am just lost and don’t know what to do. It’s a sad and tough situation. My mother said ” if you wanna be with him..go, I’m not stopping you..but you have to answer to everyone in the family”. I think that is so wrong! Oh…and my brother has been dating an Asian girl for four years, they don’t like it, but they except her into our family.

Arman says:
May 12, 2010 at 9:59 pm

Thanks for sharing your story. I was in a similar situation as your boyfriend a few years ago. My GF who lived on her own came from a small town where there were maybe three people from other countries. The first time she took me to her home town to visit her family, they all looked at me as if I was from Mars (she also had four brothers, the smalled being 6’1?, and around 25 cousins!!) It was a bit uncomfortable but funny at the same time. During later visits, they would unintentionally make bigoted comments and my GF told me they had a hard time understanding what she was doing with me. After a few years though, they totally warmed up to me and loved me as one of their own. The comments of course continued but once you get past the words and see people’s hearts, it is just funny.

I am not too worried about your situation. I think you and your BF will have some challenges, but if he’s a truly good man, you will work it out slowly. Of course, since you’re living at home, it is much harder than my case, but hey, who said life was a picnic?

Good luck!

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