Friend vs Lover

I am in Love with my Friend

We have been friends for 13 years and I fell for her 1 year ago. It’s been awkward, but we manage to stay friends. Well she started staying at my place off and on, she would sleep on my bed, and out of respect I would only sleep next to her with no touching or cuddling until after about a week.


Then one morning I woke up with my arm around her. I proceeded to rub her back, and legs, her feet. Then I was massaging her vagina and some finger penetration at this point. Her response was sensual or so I thought, and this went on for at least 1 hour. I also discovered she was having her period.

As I began to remove her pj bottoms she refused. And I politely stopped all sexual advances. We both got out of bed and when I tried to talk to her she looked away in shame. She even cried asked me to leave her alone. She packed up her stuff and left, I was devastated.

I never meant to hurt her. Three days later she has returned not to stay but we spent all day and early into the morning and not one word was spoken about what had happened. After a while I brought it up and she wouldn’t talk about it, then she got angry and said that she felt like I had violated her. I would have never or would never hurt her. I’m at a loss and don’t know how to deal with this. I am meeting her early morning as we have plans to complete a project. I am in love with her, please help, what should I do?

– Lane

Min Min says:
September 20, 2010 at 10:58 pm
Hi Lane,

Did you tell her that you were in love with her? If not, I suppose that you should tell her. Tell her that the love has been grown out of friendship for one year.

If you were already in love with her, you should not have let her sleep on your bed together. No matter how much you respect her, it’s hard for you to control your feeling.

You should communicate with her to know if she’s also in love with you or if she still always just regard you as a friend. Ask her if she’s also in love with you but embarrassed because you were friends for a long time. If this is the case, you can assure her it happens that friendship grows to love and this is the best thing.

If she just wants to be a friend, then you’ll have to avoid contact with her for a while until your feeling’s back to one year ago.

Ana Crusis says:
September 23, 2010 at 10:44 pm
Why is this girl staying with you? Did her parents kick her out? Did something happen that she couldn’t have kept staying where she was, or forcibly removed/evicted? If so she’s probably feeling very vulnerable and scared and maybe even displaced. She may even have feelings for you, but I DOUBT thats the way she wanted them to be acted out. Let her know you respect her and don’t think differently of her.
Tell her you love her and that you’re sorry, you didn’t want it to be like that but you just acted on your feelings and that you never wanted to hurt her, and that you will understand if she doesn’t want to do the project with you. Give her time to sort this out on her own. If she comes over again don’t even sleep in the same bed with her. If you do sleep head to foot. Give her space.

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