June 18, 2009 at 10:59 am
My responses to several of the traits are based on a marriage to a Narcissist for 15 years.
1. Many famous people are narcissists, but not all narcissists succeed. Some narcissists just want to be successful in their parent’s eyes. Some narcissists are just trying to fill the expectations of others.
2. Everyone wants something from other people, however healthy people want something is usually benign. Narcissists have interest in others ONLY when they have something to gain from the other person. And what they want is strictly for their own edificaion.
4. Everyone does to varying degrees. A narcissist may need to work for the right company or have the most important job.
5. Similar to my comment to #2. Narcissists take advantage of others and uses them selfishly. A narcissist will usually only help someone else if the narcissist will gain from that exchange (eg the approval of a potential mate, the approval of their manager, or parent). Most others will help out of compassion, not expecting anything in return.
6. Again, narcissists will do something for others including family, friends, or work group if they will selfishly gain from the act. They will especially do something when that good deed is being observed. It will help them score points.
7. Narcissists treat others as though the rules (of society, or of a group) do not apply to them. Eg: not obeying company rules because doing so would take too much time or be inconvenient, staying faithful to their spouse, “little people pay tazes”, “people at my level (VP) don’t have to sign into the company activity center because we are too important”.
8. if one doesn’t comply, some experience the silent treatment or some other form of punishment. Narcissists keeps others in their company to serve their needs: run errands, pick up take out dinners. If these people dont comply consistenly and they dont serve any other purpose in their life, they will be punished or told to leave.
9. Narcissists are the experts, don’t forget!
12. Narcissists feed off of being correct and having all the answers. They want others to think they are experts and can do no wrong. If you disagree you will most likely regret your comments. Not all narcissists spiral into depression. Some just retreat further into their fantasy land.
16. Many narcissists are VERY charming people – beware of these people. Think Jim Jones and The People’s Temple, many politicans too and unfortunately even pastors in legitimate religions.
October 19, 2009 at 7:52 am
I feel like my husband is a narcissist, but can’t be sure. He obsesses over the college where he graduated and everything that he associates with. He displays everything related to his college’s name so he can visibly see the name when he passes by it. He speaks to himself (pretends to be an announcer at one of his college’s games), he speaks in third person always (“Daddy loves you”, “You need to love your husband”, etc.), can’t apologize (if when that miracle happens, it is only spoken as, “My bad”. He has to be forced to apologize and does so in a rage. He has a spoiled brat attitude, deserving and entitled. He displays overwhelming pride for his relatives, his childhood, friends, etc., as long as that pride is a direct association to who “he thinks” he is. He is right, never wrong and will pass blame or avoid anything that denys him that glory (which happens to be me!). He once said that the reason all my boyfriends broke up with me was because they weren’t going to put up with me. He wasn’t even around at the time I dated the other guys, how would he know this? Furthermore, I broke up with the majority of the guys I dated and had never even discussed this with him. Narcissistic telephathy, I guess!
Am I off the mark or does he seem to be narcissistic? I’m at a loss here.